


Forgive and Try to Forget

by innertimetraveldetective



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't Like Don't Read, F/F, Medical, Shooting, Torture, bobbi needs a fuckin hug man, but uh yeah everyone high key hates him and so do i, daisy and kara bond over ward, definitely not Ward friendly, he's a bit ooc, injuries, kara and daisy are besties, past huntingbird, these people eat a lot of breakfast food
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innertimetraveldetective/pseuds/innertimetraveldetective
Summary: What if, instead of Ward killing her, Kara turned on him?  What if Kara chose to save Bobbi?
Relationships: Bobbi Morse/Kara Lynn Palamas
Comments: 31
Kudos: 16





	1. Kara Palamas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara makes a difficult decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! 
> 
> I'm back :D
> 
> And very very very scared to post this please be nice lmao

Kara fastened her restraints, feeling Grant’s smugness from halfway across the room. Bobbi, for her part, refused to struggle, to scream, or shout, just seemed to glare daggers into his back, masked fear looming behind her eyes. 

Kara was trying. She was trying to keep up with Grant, to be what he wanted from her, to please him. After all, did she not owe him that? He’d taken her in, he’d helped her find closure. She had to remind herself of that as she secured the gag in Bobbi’s mouth, this was in the name of _closure_ , she reminded herself as she aimed the gun, as she kissed Grant, as Bobbi refused to talk.

Still, there was this nagging feeling, this itch in the back of her brain, a voice trying to convince her that this isn’t what she wanted, the old her, who she was _before_ , before Whitehall, before Grant, before SHIELD. A part of her seemed to be saying that this wasn’t _closure_ , this was torture, this was wrong. 

_That this didn’t make her any better than_ him _._

She was unrecognizable. In comparison to who she was before, little Kara Palamas, good student, loyal SHIELD agent. Grant kept on saying that this, all of this, the doctor, Bakshi, Bobbi, this was all in the name of finding herself again, of reclaiming herself. This didn’t feel like her though, Kara Palamas would never dream of this. 

Kara Palamas was good. She loved her mom, she was supposed to go to her brother’s graduation six months ago. Kara Palamas swore her loyalty to an organisation that seemed to have done _nothing_ but abandon her, betray her, sell her out, strip her of her identity. Kara Palamas was sweet, talented, graduated 6th in her class at The Academy. 

Whatever she was now, whoever Bobbi, Whitehall, her father, Grant had turned her into, it wasn’t _Kara_ . It wasn’t the girl who sang at church in the nativity, it wasn’t _good_ , or _nice_ , it was a product of horrors committed by both organisations.

But hey, he knew what was best, didn’t he? After all, he’d been nothing but good to her, nothing but caring, kind. She looked after him after Skye shot him, he looked after her when she lost herself. They were good for each other, he kept saying that, and what reason did she have not to believe him?

* * *

Bobbi watched as Hunter called, as they lured him in, trying to cry out from behind her gag, warn him away, all the while trying to figure out the mystery that seemed to be Kara Palamas.   
  
Bobbi just couldn’t make _sense_ of her. She was responsive, she could see it behind her eyes. She could see Ward for what he was, some part of her knew he was twisted, but she submitted all the same? It didn’t sit right with Bobbi.

It was most likely misguided loyalty, she’d seen first hand what Whitehall did to people, the pieces he left behind, the scraps of themselves people tried to cling to. Kara wanting to cling to Ward, making him a part of her, of course it made sense, but if she could see him, then maybe she could fight.

Bobbi clung to that, to that sliver of hope as she sat staring at the door, the smell of the warehouse damp, her head aching as she felt the agony in her leg, in her fingers, the constant ache rotten to the core, pain so immense she could hardly feel it. 

She tested out her restraints once there had been no outside sound for a while, pulling against each one, testing out how far she could move her good leg, her upper arms, wobbling the chair experimentally. Her eyes widened as it tilted to the side.

_She could move the chair_.

She looked behind her to the rifle, tilting the chair again. If she threw herself, maybe, just maybe, she could save that _idiot_ from himself. Assuming of course, Ward hadn’t damaged her knee beyond usefulness.

So, she sat, waiting anxiously as nothing happened, for hours, silence, Hunter’s familiar footsteps nowhere to be heard, not even the tick of a clock, the gust of wind to keep her down on earth. Just silence, pure, sickening, maddening silence, leaving Bobbi alone with her guilt, her pain, her own, personal torture. 

_A mockingbird is no use with no one to mock._

* * *

Kara worried her lip as she paced up and down. Grant was who knows where, she was left alone, listening to Bobbi’s stifled whimpers, to her dragging the chair around, ripping the skin off her lip as she deliberated. 

_Closure,_ she reminded herself, _this is for closure_.

What Bobbi did to her, that was _unforgivable_ . She sold her out, she gave her up to him, to them, to months of torture, to _compliance_ . She couldn’t understand why she was even _questioning_ whether or not she deserved this, this pain. Of course she did. 

Still, something was wrong with this. Some doubt in her. Shooting Bobbi had felt wrong, so unimaginably wrong, inhumane, cruel, a part of her was disgusted with herself for even considering it. How was having Hunter killed right in front of her any better? She wanted an apology, she wanted to hear that what happened to her was wrong. Did she want Bobbi to _die_ for that? 

Kara sighed, making a split second decision, turning on her heel and opening the door, trying to find her way through endless corridors, running straight into Grant.

“Hey, baby.” His voice almost made her skin crawl, “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, taking her hand and steadying her.

“This is _wrong_ , Grant.” She looked up at him, meeting not anger in his eyes, but glee.

“We could take him too, torture him whilst she watches?” He offered, his eyes glinting. Kara shook her head, swallowing nervously.

“No.” She shook her head, “I mean this, everything, the doctor, Bobbi, this is wrong.” She sighed. He frowned,

“What’s going on, baby?” He brushed her waist with his hand, looking down at her. She closed her eyes.

“We should let her go.” She decided, speaking as confidently as she could, “We need to let her go.” 

Oh. There was the anger.

“What about closure?” He asked tightly, not hiding his anger well enough to escape her notice. She was a damn spy, a good one at that.

“I- I don’t-” She tried, unable to find the words, “I just wanted an apology. I- I don’t want to see anyone die.” He pulled away from her, looking down at her in a mixture of shock and disgust.

“I really thought you were like me.” He just said, accused really, backing away. 

“Grant-” She started, but he cut her off.

“God, Kara, we’re doing this _for you_.” He hissed.

“I don’t want to anymore.” She said stubbornly.

“Well maybe I’ll have you watch as he dies, maybe that’ll knock some sense into you.” He threatened, his face meer inches away from her. “Remind you of what’s important?” He grabbed her arm.

“No, Grant, please,” She tried to shake him off, but he only gripped harder. All that did was trigger her training, years of carefully curated SHIELD training, years of combat, of keeping on her toes. She elbowed his side, kicking him in the knee, making him let her go. She dodged his fist as he swung it to her face, taking advantage of his weak spot to knee him in the stomach, kicking him away from her.

He grunted, reaching for her head, Kara throwing his hands off her, both of them reaching for their guns.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He growled.

“I think I want to hurt you.” She smirked as she felt her old self, the old Kara Palamas finally show her face, apparently all it took was punching a man in the face. Well, a nazi who took advantage of her. But a man all the same.

Grant had molded her into what he needed. He did it in the name of good, in the name of closure, in the name of love. He told her he loved her, that he could help her. So, she’d sat loyally by him, let him turn her into him. Kara Palamas would _never_ have killed for revenge, Kara Palamas would never have stayed with him. Hydra’s toy, the product of Bobbi’s actions, however, she was broken. She was empty, she needed someone to put her back together. 

She was prepared to _die_ for Whitehall, she was quiet, calm, still, _compliant_ , all the things that Kara wasn’t. All the things Kara never wanted to be.

And then came Grant. Bobbi was right about one thing, earlier, when she said he started her off easy. The doctor, the one who made her mask. The dog, the one Ward killed. It was the same, all the same, only she couldn’t see it until now. Ward was _easy_ , she loved him, he loved her, which is why it was _excruciating_ , the realisation, the revelation, that this wasn’t _her_.

For someone who said he didn't want to hurt her, he sure fought like he did. He was brutal, rough, he fought dirty. If Kara was thinking reasonably or clearly, she would have known better than to pick a fight with him on relatively even ground. Unfortunately Kara hadn't been thinking reasonably or clearly since that time she was brainwashed, and damn, she was regretting not killing Bobbi.

But no, Bobbi was sitting strapped to a chair, helpless as Kara fought for herself more than anyone, for a right to freedom, a right to be who she wanted to be, not what Hydra needed, not what Grant moulded her into.

Kara screamed through her teeth as her knee bent backwards, feeling several cracks, her leg going limp. The adrenaline gave her a high she needed, lurching towards Ward as her vision blurred, ripping a pipe from the wall and stabbing it into his side, again, and again, and again, and again, watching as he grimaced in pain, as he flinched away, Kara throwing the pipe down next to him. 

She didn’t know if he was dead, but he certainly wasn’t going anywhere for a _while_ . She leaned against the wall for a moment, the pain in her knee close to unbearable, blackspots dancing around the edges of her vision. She groaned, wiping her brow. SHIELD would be here soon, her and Bobbi both needed medical attention, Ward was unconscious (possibly dead) after she stabbed him at _least_ 6 times with a _pipe._ Everything definitely wasn’t going according to plan (which, admittedly, was probably for the best).

_Come on, Palamas, get it together_

She braced herself, gasping out in pain as she put weight on her leg, choking out tears. She clenched her jaw as she took her first step, almost collapsing. She screamed through her teeth, cursing Ward as she half limped-half crawled her way to Bobbi, stopping every few minutes to listen for SHIELD (and to cry over her leg, but mainly the first thing. Probably.) 

Looking back, Kara realises she probably should’ve knocked before entering. Kara realises that her fight with Ward probably sounded to Bobbi a lot like May or Hunter coming for her. Kara realises that Bobbi thought it was Hunter on the other side of the door. Unfortunately, Kara did not knock. Kara opened the door as quickly as she could, moving away from the bullet that _should’ve_ flown right past her. Instead, she heard a stifled scream and a _thud_ as the chair’s legs hit the floor.

She rushed in, the pain in her leg blinding, panic overtaking her as she took in the situation, Bobbi, blood, eyes very much closed, bullet wound on her left with crimson seeping across her chest. Kara all but brushed off her own injury, rushing to Bobbi, working the gag out of her mouth before untying her, catching her as she collapsed forwards.

“ _You_.” Bobbi choked. It would’ve been more of a spit, more malicious, had her lung not been filling up with blood. Kara ignored her, pushing away her jumbled thoughts, her lingering loyalty to Grant, the urge to let Bobbi bleed out alone, summing up her courage, her strength, every ounce of the old Kara she could muster to scoop Bobbi up, her weight combined with Kara’s own pain enough to sicken her. Bobbi’s blood stained Kara’s jacket, it was all she could do not to drop her, not to collapse and just scream, or cry, or puke (or all three), all she could do to ignore Grant’s body and keep going. 

She dragged them both out, SHIELD agents meeting them, Bobbi’s body being taken from her arms, Kara collapsing as soon as she let her go. 

May looked down at Kara Palamas in curiosity.

“What are our orders?” The agent to her left asked. May sighed.

“Ward?” 

“Dead.” She nodded.

“Bring her in.” May decided, following Hunter and Bobbi onto the Quinjet, leaving Kara to the med-techs. She couldn’t leave her behind. That would make her no better than Hydra, or for that matter, Kara herself.

May watched Kara carefully on the flight back. It was easier before. Easier to push her guilt regarding Kara into anger, easier to let herself hate her, let herself think of her as the enemy, as _bad_. It was easier before she just had to go and save Bobbi’s life. 

_Assuming Bobbi lived._


	2. Optimism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and May talk, Skye changes her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for medical stuff, mention of grief

Kara woke up to white lights, beeping, and  _ pain _ . She grimaced as she opened her eyes, bringing a hand up to her head. 

SHIELD. Again.

She looked to the eagle on the wall, looking away as she groaned. Great. Back to the organisation who abandoned her to Hydra and refused to apologise for it. 

“Oh, Agent Palamas, you’re awake. Excellent.” A bustling English woman barged into her room, one she recognised as either Fitz or Simmons. She was the one who tried to kill Grant, the one who killed Bakshi. 

“Simmons?” She checked. Jemma nodded, “Yes.” Kara watched as she unhooked the bag connected to the IV.

“What’s in that?” She looked up as Jemma smiled.

“Just rehydrating you, although I could get you some morphine if you wish.” She assured her. Kara nodded.

“Please?” 

“Of course.” 

Kara watched as she left, closing her eyes as she sighed heavily. Bobbi was here. Bobbi who she’d tortured, who’s pain she’d delighted in. 

Skye was here, Skye who’s face she’d stolen for  _ him _ , who she’d impersonated for his  _ pleasure _ , who she felt she couldn’t live up to. 

And Melinda May, The Cavalry, the one who everyone whispered about, the one who damaged her, who saw her in pain and chose not to save her. 

Melinda May, to whom she was just another casualty of war.

She felt a sense of longing for Grant, regret flooding through her. She never needed to explain herself to him, never had to worry about what he'd think of her actions. 

He was easy, his control was easy. But that's what it was. 

It wasn't like she wasn't  _ aware _ of what she was doing, not like it was with Whitehall. No, she knew exactly what was going on, she was responsible for her choices, it just wasn't  _ her _ . He found her, all alone, and she nursed him back to health, letting him build her back up into a carbon copy of himself, tragic backstory and all.

With Grant it was simple. They were vengeful, they hated SHIELD and all it stood for, he made it seem black and white, easy. They were the victims so they could do no wrong, SHIELD were the perpetrators so they could do no right.

Now, watching Jemma Simmons smile, and chatter away, despite what Kara  _ knew _ Grant had done to her, what she  _ knew _ both SHIELD and Hydra had put her through, things seemed much less two-dimensional. 

Melinda May had wronged her, there was no doubt about that. Bobbi Morse had too. But Kara herself was hardly an angel.  _ She'd _ killed Selwyn,  _ she'd tortured Bobbi _ , she'd let Grant control her, influence her, because it was  _ easy _ , because she was lost without Whitehall, stripped of her identity, deprived of those she was supposed to comply with. 

Hydra made her into a monster. They destroyed her. And the worst part was  _ she loved them for it.  _

* * *

Bobbi woke up to her lungs burning, to the world swimming around her, the pain in her knee nauseating. She tried to sit up, but collapsed back down again, the pain in her chest unbearable, her knee dizzying her.

“Hey, love.” Hunter said quietly. She looked at him, Skye sitting anxiously next to him.

“Jemma said you’ll be okay. In time.” Skye said hurriedly as Bobbi looked down, seeing the hospital gown, the bandages around her knee, bringing a hand up to touch the breathing tube in her nose.

“33?” 

“She saved you. She’s here.” Skye told her, still unsure how she felt about Kara. She’d watched her and Jemma, she seemed… civil. Tight, hesitant to trust them, which, Skye had to admit, made sense. She’d ask May tomorrow at training, she was better at people watching. Obviously Bobbi was the best, but given her current… predicament, Skye was anxious to ask.

“Super.” Bobbi closed her eyes again, groaning softly. “Did Doctor Simmons not say anything about morphine?” Hunter laughed a little.

“I’ll go find her.” She smiled as he left, turning to face Skye.

“Is it bad?” Skye shrugged.

“Jem can tell you more. To quote Fitzy, though ‘Bobbi’s knee is in complete shambles and her lung’s all but buggered’.” Skye recited. Bobbi nodded. “I think that’s Scottish for ‘you’re fucked.’” Skye summarised. Bobbi laughed.

“Thanks. Rockstar.” Skye smiled sadly, taking Bobbi’s hand. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” Bobbi squeezed her hand gratefully, self pity striking her as she remembered her hands were the only useful part of her at the moment. She couldn’t walk, she couldn’t sit up, hell, she couldn’t even  _ breathe _ on her own.

Who was she, if she couldn’t fight? If she couldn’t protect herself, let alone those she loved? She was Bobbi Morse, Mockingbird, an Agent of SHIELD, but beyond all that, under the lies, the betrayal, the sarcasm, who was  _ Bobbi _ ?

Maybe Hunter would know. They’d known each other for forever, they’d even dated, surely if anyone were to know the true her, it’d be him?

Or maybe Melinda May. They weren’t so different, loyal to a fault, fierce fighters, damaged (even more so now, in Bobbi’s case). 

Perhaps Skye knew her, the younger sister, the one who filled the gap that Bobbi still felt after  _ her _ , the protegee, the baby. They were different, but maybe, maybe they could be close, maybe she could let her in, maybe Skye could be the one to find Bobbi Morse.

Bobbi looked up at her, Skye still smiling at her. 

“Hunter.” Bobbi looked up as he burst in.

“It’s Simmons.” Skye shot up.

“What?” She demanded. He gestured for her to follow, leaving Bobbi alone with her thoughts, alone with her pain, with excruciating  _ silence _ .

* * *

“Palamas.” May announced her presence. Kara looked over at her.

“May.” She didn’t invite her in. May came in anyway, leaning against the counter in her room.

“I’m sorry.” May said bluntly, still raw from what happened with Simmons. Fitz was a wreck, huddled up with Hunter, a mess last she saw him. Skye was no better, curled up in a chair next to Bobbi. Emotions were running high, she may as well take her shot.

“I’m listening.” Kara narrowed her eyes.

“What SHIELD did to you, what  _ I _ did to you, that was wrong.” Kara nodded.

“It was.” Kara agreed cautiously. 

“And so I’m sorry. You were a good agent. You still could be.” May raised an eyebrow as Kara scoffed.

“What a surprise. A recruiting mission masked as an apology. How very SHIELD of you.” She shook her head, “Why would I  _ want  _ to be a SHIELD agent again? Swear my life to the same organisation who already took it for granted once before?” May sighed.

“It’s different now. What happened to you, that was a  _ fluke _ . We didn’t find out what happened before it was too late, and we were too light on the ground to help anyway. You  _ know _ how SHIELD works, it’s  _ always _ been the life of the many before the life of the few,” Kara scoffed, “ _ But, _ ” May said firmly, “I am sorry that it happened like that.” Kara exhaled heavily.

“You know, I always thought SHIELD were the good guys. All those years at The Academy, at The Hub, on STRIKE teams, I always thought I did the right thing, that I swore my life to an organisation who were doing  _ good _ in the world. Hydra happened, I fled to a safehouse, just to be sold out by that  _ same organisation _ .” Kara looked up at her, “SHIELD isn’t good, Agent May. To pretend otherwise is to fool yourself.” 

May sighed. There was no real argument for that, because through Kara’s eyes, that’s what SHIELD was. What they’d done to her, that was unredeemable, they’d given up on her, left her for dead, painted her as a villain to alleviate their own guilt.

“SHIELD isn’t good.” May settled for, “Goodness is impossible in our line of work. We try to be gracious, we try to be kind, but none of us are good.” Kara nodded.

“I’m not good.” She stated blankly.

“Neither am I.” May agreed. 

* * *

"Skye." Bobbi cracked an eye open to look at her, the younger girl sleeping sprawled out over a chair by her bed, her eyes still puffy. Bobbi frowned, gasping as it hit her again. Simmons.

"Hey, Rockstar." Bobbi whispered as Skye woke up, looking over at her. 

"Jemma." Skye closed her eyes again, grunting softly as she sat up, rubbing her head. Not 3 hours ago Simmons had been swallowed by the rock that the other SHIELD had brought onto their base. Fitz and Hunter were monitoring it. She was on Bobbi duty.

"No word." Bobbi informed her, "Not that I'd know anyway." She said slightly bitterly.

"You had your lung torn apart like 12 hours ago, you've got like 6 surgeries scheduled for the next 4 days, and your torturer slash capturer slash savior is down the hall. You're not exactly involved with the Jemma incident." Skye said dryly. 

"Thanks for the optimism." Bobbi said sarcastically, slightly sadly as she remembered her. The way Skye reminded her of then, of them, it was hard.

"It's called realism. Anyway, my crush just got kidnapped by a space rock, I can be as pessimistic as I want." Skye protested. "Also my mom tried to kill me like... yesterday." She added. Bobbi smiled.

"Shrink's gonna have a field day with us." 

"And Kara." Skye pointed out. Bobbi's expression tightened. "She's here, Bobbi." She said again, more serious. 

"I can be civil." She said tightly. Skye raised an eyebrow.

"She tortured you and then saved your life, you've gotta be past civility one way or another." Bobbi sighed.

"She's a problem for another day. She was ready to kill me, and I really can't find a reason for why she didn't." Skye looked at her in confusion.

"Explain?"

"I watch people. It's like my thing. Her motives, I can't figure them out. One minute she's saving Hunter on mission, the next she's kissing Ward, then she's torturing me, then killing him? It's disconnected, disorganized." Bobbi pulled a face. "I don't trust her." Skye scoffed.

"I don't think anyone does." She pointed out. Bobbi pulled a face again, more contemplative than anything.

"She can stay." She decided, "Not that it was up to me. But she deserves that, from SHIELD." Skye nodded.

"Are you gonna talk to her?"

"I think I'll worry about that after the six surgeries, Rockstar." Skye smiled, before settling her face back into a frown.

"You'll have a different doctor unless-" 

"Until." Bobbi corrected her.

"-Until Jemma's back." Skye told her. Bobbi closed her eyes, the beeping of however many monitors irritating beyond belief.

"She'll be back soon. You guys have a date.” Bobbi assured her. Skye blushed slightly, looking down at her lap.

“She’ll be back?” Skye asked. Bobbi smiled.

“Of course.” God, they were young. All of them. Skye was an orphan all over again, Fitz’s brain was injured, Simmons was who knows where. They were kids. They deserved to build lives, to have relationships that weren’t doomed to fail, to be young. 

They deserved normality, instead they got  _ this. _

Skye’s eyes were terrified, wide and scared, like a deer caught in headlights. Bobbi couldn’t imagine what all this was like for her, to lose her parents and Jemma all in one go, to still be able to stand up, to look her in the eye, to joke, to laugh.

Only, she could.

She knew exactly what it was for your world to crumble at your fingertips, for everything to fall apart at your touch. 

Skye moved over to her bed from where she was sitting on her chair, perching tentatively next to her.

“Hi.” Bobbi raised an eyebrow. Skye sighed.

“I have a question.” 

“Shoot.” Bobbi tried to shrug, but remembered the bullet wound and closed her eyes instead.

“I was thinking about changing my name.” Skye told her. Bobbi nodded.

“Daisy.” She said experimentally, raising an eyebrow at her, “Suits you.” Skye lit up, grinning, before shifting awkwardly. Bobbi watched her, her hands fidgeting, her eyes darting to the lab. She gasped, “You’re worried about Jemma.” Skye pulled a face.

“I regret making friends with a bunch of spies.” She muttered. Bobbi shifted over, patting the spot next to her. Skye raised an eyebrow to show her hesitance.

“I’m not  _ dying. _ ”

“Yeah. You are.” Skye pointed out. Bobbi scoffed.

“Then don’t deny me my final wish.” She said dryly. Skye rolled her eyes, shifting next to her all the same, Bobbi bracing herself and sitting up. “You might need to be Daisy so that when she comes back you still have a part of yourself to offer her.” Bobbi explained gently. Skye looked down.

“What if she doesn’t like Daisy?”

“I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about.” Bobbi leaned her head on Skye’s shoulder, “She’ll be proud. She’ll like you no matter what your name is, or how you need to present yourself.”

“Daisy.” Skye tested the name out on her tongue. “Tell me about her?” She requested. Bobbi sighed.

“Daisy is who you became when you grew up. Skye was who you were out of necessity, a safety net, someone you could be so you could really find who you  _ are _ . And if you’re Daisy, then I think that’s pretty beautiful. Who you were always intended to be.” Bobbi said wistfully.

“Poetic.” Skye mumbled.

“Blame it on the morphine.” Skye laughed.

“Why? Don’t want word getting out that Mockingbird is a softie?” Skye smirked.

“She is no such thing!” Bobbi protested. Skye frowned.

“You’re Mockingbird.” She pointed out. Bobbi made a face.

“Right now I’m just Bobbi.” She assured her, “Mockingbird doesn’t let anyone see this.” She gestured vaguely around the room. 

“Who called you that?” Skye asked, setting her head on Bobbi’s shoulder.

“Hartley, I think. Saw me in a practice interrogation at The Academy, she was my evaluator. Kinda took me under her metaphorical wing.” Bobbi smiled sadly, thinking about her old team. Idaho, Hand, Hartley, dead, dead, dead. 

“So how come she called you Mockingbird?”

“I mock people.” Bobbi told her, fiddling with her IV line, “Find weaknesses and exploit them, get a grasp on accents, watches, how their eyes are set. How they present themselves, their reactions, it’s basic interrogation really.” Skye looked down at her.

“How’s that mocking?” Skye frowned.

“I push their buttons.” Bobbi summarised. 

“How would you push mine?” Skye asked. Bobbi just laughed, albeit slightly weakly.

“Let’s not go there.” She decided. She knew exactly where she’d hit Skye, she’d go straight for the orphan’s upbringing, her found family. Skye wore her heart on her sleeve, she was easy to read, easy to grasp.

“What about you?” Skye pushed. If Bobbi could’ve inhaled sharply she would have. Unfortunately she had 1 working lung.

“That’s for me to know.” Bobbi said cryptically. Skye rolled her eyes.

“Spies.” She muttered. “I think Daisy is more of a spy.” She decided. 

“Oh yeah?” Skye nodded, 

“Mary was a kid, Skye was a hacker, I feel like Daisy’s a SHIELD agent.” 

“You gonna stick with that then?” Bobbi asked.

“I think so.” She decided.  _ Daisy _ .

“Well, Daisy, nice to meet you.” Bobbi offered her hand, Daisy grinning as she shook it.

“Agent Morse.” She nodded.

“Does this make you Agent Johnson?” Bobbi nudged her. Daisy paused to think.

“Yeah. I guess it does.”


	3. As Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Daisy become besties and Kara and Bobbi try n have an actual conversation.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Ward, since Kara, since she was tied to a chair and tortured. Two weeks since her lung had been ripped apart, since her knee had been shattered.

She woke up from her final surgery, this one on her knee, to Hunter and Daisy, as usual. 

“Hey, love.” Hunter smiled. As usual. 

“I hate you.” Bobbi just muttered, closing her eyes again. Hunter chuckled slightly, sitting back in his chair.

“Understandable.” Daisy nodded, “You need to get more creative with your openings.” She nudged him.

“Rise n shine motherfucker.” Bobbi mumbled, her throat dry, her head pounding. 

“A great example.” Daisy grinned. 

“Water?” Bobbi requested as she sat up, or tried to. Hunter passed her a water bottle and the remote to control how high her head was. “I hate this.” She whined as she raised the back of the bed, sipping water from the straw because her stupid ass lung couldn’t seem to let her drink properly. 

“You’re cleared to start rehabbing in a week,” Daisy offered. Bobbi just groaned.

“Rehabbing  _ what _ ? My half lung or the pieces of my knee?” Bobbi raised an eyebrow. God, she hated their pitying looks, their soft voices, how they glanced at each other.

“Knee.” Daisy supplied. Hunter looked mildly disgruntled, but tried to understand. Of course she was cranky, her whole thing was being a badass spy lady. Now she was still a badass spy lady, just one who couldn’t get out of bed or breathe on her own. “We’ve uh, also all got a therapist.” She continued.

“I don’t need therapy, I'm fine.” Bobbi said instantly. A psych eval was protocol, therapy was unnecessary.

“Right.” Daisy said sarcastically, “Aren’t we all.” She said goodbye to her dad for the last time two days ago. He was Doctor Winslow now, he had a vet clinic, he loved dogs, he smiled, he gave kids lollipops. He was happy, he would be happy. And he was safe.

“I don’t mind the shrink.” Hunter shrugged. The girls looked at him in surprise, “What? Therapy is great, it’s a bloke who’s literally  _ paid _ to hear me talk about my issues.” 

“Of course  _ you’d _ like that.” Bobbi scoffed. 

‘I’m hurt, truly.” Bobbi smiled. “Hey, there she is.” He said softly. The smile quickly turned into a grimace.

“I’m going back to sleep.” She decided.

“That’s your way of telling us to fuck off?” Daisy checked.

“Yup.” She popped the ‘p’, closing her eyes as they left. She bent her good leg, stretching it back out again. She was  _ sick _ of this, she just wanted to walk again, let alone train. She cursed Ward, his stupid face, his sickening tone. She’d given up trying to curse Kara, she was far too confusing. Maybe that’s what she’d talk about with the therapist.

In all likelihood he wouldn’t be able to get anything out of her. She’d exasperated enough therapists to know the usual routine, she couldn’t seem to let her guard down long enough to let them in. Not the grief counsellor at The Academy, not her field psych evals, not the second grief counsellor after Hydra (that  _ technically  _ wasn’t a lie, her and Mack had tried it. It didn’t float their boats). Why should this time be any different?

* * *

Kara watched Daisy curiously from where she was sitting on the couch eating her toast. She’d only been up for a day or so, cleared from medical and starting to rehab her knee. As well as starting therapy. Lots of therapy. 

No one had spoken to her apart from May, and Coulson when he showed her to her bunk. In fairness, she’d avoided them like the plague as well. She might have saved Bobbi’s life, but that hardly excused everything else. 

Daisy sat down next to her, coffee in hand, eyeing her suspiciously. Kara smiled, that polite cat smile, pulling her mouth into a thin line, Michael Sheen would call her a muppet. Daisy smiled back at her, sipping her coffee.

Kara wasn’t sure of the protocol in this scenario. Should she ask about Bobbi? Should she leave? Let Daisy talk first? She fidgeted slightly uncomfortably, biting her toast again. Her knee was nowhere near as bad as Bobbi’s, and she had two whole lungs, so she really couldn’t complain about the pain, but boy was it there.

“You didn’t come to film night.” Daisy said. Kara looked at her in surprise. “You keep to yourself. You use the far corner of the gym for PT. You eat in your room, only talk to May. I’m no Bobbi Morse, but I’d say you’re avoiding us.” Daisy continued, proud of herself for finally cornering her.

Kara didn’t know what to expect when she actually left and got food with the others, but being interrogated by a 26 year old certainly wasn’t it.

“Can you blame me?” Kara raised an eyebrow, “I’m hardly welcome here, May’s only keeping me around out of obligation, Hunter’s busy with Fitz, you’re busy with Bobbi, Mack is hardly my biggest fan.” She listed. “I don’t expect friendship from you.” She finished. 

“I haven’t decided how I feel about you.” Daisy said bluntly. “Bobbi’s depressed as fuck, thanks to you, but Bobbi’s also alive, thanks to you, but Bobbi’s also traumatised, again, thanks to you. But also you were brainwashed, so I guess it’s SHIELD’s fault? But you sided with Ward anyway, but I guess you were alone. Basically, I don’t know.” Daisy blurted, trying to sort out her feelings. 

“You’re not exactly what I was expecting either.” Kara admitted.

“No?” Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“The way Ward talked about you, he made you sound-”

“-Like a harmless innocent darling corrupted by SHIELD? Or maybe as a villain, heartless, ruthless?” Daisy guessed. Kara smirked.

“More the first one. But you’re not that, you’re just… You’re just Daisy.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, well, he knew Skye.” Daisy shrugged, “I don’t want him to know me.”

“What happened with you two?” Kara blurted. Daisy looked at her. 

“We kissed. Twice, actually. Then he was the serial killer who lived in our basement, then he was colluding with my  _ father _ who turned out to be deranged, then I shot him three times, enter 33.” Daisy nodded to her.

“Kara. My name’s Kara.” She said slightly stiffly. 

“Right, sorry. Enter Kara.” She nodded. 

“Why’d you break up?” She asked. Daisy laughed.

“You know, the neo-nazi thing was really off putting.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair. It was the overeagerness to torture Hunter and make Bobbi watch for me.” Daisy nodded.

“Respect.” She fistbumped her, before making a face.

“What?” Kara frowned.

“Whatever. I’m still super annoyed at you. But… you’re kinda cool.” Daisy admitted. 

“You’re kinda cool too.” Kara nodded, “And thanks. You know, for talking to me.” She smiled. 

“Well, Ward’s throwaways gotta stick together. We meet with May and Fitzy every Thursday.” 

“Technically he didn’t throw me away. I just decided I wasn’t really into torture and he didn’t take too kindly to it. So I stabbed him 5 times with a pipe.” Daisy grinned.

“Still annoyed.” Daisy reminded her, “But damn, love that for you.” 

“You can be annoyed.” Kara smiled, “Hardly like I arrived under standard circumstances.” 

“You  _ tortured _ Bobbi.” Daisy said flatly. Kara looked down. “You two need to talk.” Daisy prompted. Kara raised an eyebrow.

“I doubt she wants to talk to me.” 

“It’ll be that or May will end up locking you in a room together until you talk out your issues.” Kara frowned.

“That’s happened before?” Daisy sighed.

“Jem and I took forever to get together, she was sick of the useless lesbians.” Daisy smiled bitterly. 

“She’s gone.” Kara nudged her, “I’m sorry.”

“She’ll be back.” She said confidently. 

“I’m sure she will.” Kara nodded. 

“Did you have anyone? Before?” Daisy asked, sipping her coffee.

“I had a couple boyfriends, couple girlfriends, no one before Hydra. No one… lost me.” Daisy tutted, nudging her arm gently.

“Anyone would have been lucky to have you.” 

“The keyword being  _ have _ . Past tense.” Kara replied.

“Give yourself time. And  _ loads _ of therapy.” Kara nodded.

“So much therapy.” She agreed. “So far all he’s gone on about is sense of self, haven’t even  _ started _ on the trauma.” 

“He’s all over my powers, transformation or whatever.” 

“You go to therapy?” Kara asked.

“We all have to. Coulson’s rule. Everyone here is  _ fucked up _ , welcome to the gang.” Daisy smiled.

“I don’t think I’m welcome.” Kara told her. She was hardly being cold because of her own hesitations, she knew full well they had good reason to think of her as ‘bad’, or the enemy. She’d done bad things, they had to make peace with that just as much as she did.

“Maybe not. We’ll come around.” Daisy shrugged, “You did  _ torture Bobbi _ .” She repeated. Seeing Bobbi like that, it was hard enough. Chatting casually with the person who caused it was… strange, to say the least. She was usually strong, hard, but now, it was like her fire had died out, leaving ashes behind.

“I know. I’ll talk to her, I swear. I just, I need to clear my head up first. It’s all still tangled up.” She gestured to her head. Daisy frowned.

“What’s that like?” Daisy asked cautiously. Kara sighed.

“Everything, everyone’s influences, they’re all tied up. SHIELD, Whitehall, Grant, they’re all fighting, I guess. Sometimes I still want Bobbi dead, sometimes I’m glad I killed Grant, sometimes I want to be compliant again. Usually I’m just sort of lost.” She said carefully, furrowing her brow.

“I’m sorry.” Daisy said instinctively, “Sorry that SHIELD treated you wrong.” 

“I used to think that the one good thing to come out of it was Grant. Now all I have is awkward spies and a shitty knee.” Kara laughed. 

“You have me.” Daisy said defiantly, “I mean, if you need me, come find me? We can bitch about Ward and paint each other’s nails.” Kara looked heartbreakingly gobsmacked.

“Thank you.” She said sincerely, fighting the urge to grin like an idiot. 

She wasn’t alone anymore.

* * *

Bobbi looked up from her book to see Kara Palamas standing in her doorway. She looked back down again.

She was yet to decide just how she felt about Kara. On some level, she felt indebted to her. She’d saved her life. Then again, her life wouldn’t have needed saving if it wasn’t for her. She tried to understand, really she did. It made sense, that Kara wanted  _ someone _ to blame, a target, someone she could hurt. 

Bobbi just wished it hadn’t been her.

Because  _ God _ , had Kara hurt her. She’d taken away her ability to fight, she’d cut off her wings, leaving her bleeding and broken.

So why couldn’t Bobbi seem to hate her?

She wanted to, honestly she did. It would make things so much  _ easier _ , if she could just convince her mind to let her hate her, to let her despise her, to let her feel angry. She couldn’t, and that was  _ so much worse _ . It was like there was a bomb inside her, ready to explode, pressure building and building and building, leading to  _ nothing _ . Her chest was tight (and not just because she couldn’t breathe independently), she wanted to just break down, to crawl into  _ her _ bed and just cry, to let herself be weak, just for once. 

She wanted to cry her heart out, to let someone wrap her up and kiss it better, to just collapse under the weight of everything; her guilt over Kara, her debt to Kara, her knee, her lung, the way her chest seemed to be ripping itself apart, the hollowness that resided comfortably in her, the overwhelming numbness that had inhabited her mind.

She wanted to be angry, she wanted to let herself explode. 

Alas, right here, right now, whilst Kara stood at her door was not the time.

_ Compartmentalise, malyshka _

She echoed her own words, plastering a neutral look on her face.

“Hi.” Kara said quietly, eyes fixed on the floor.

“You can come in.” Bobbi said, nodding to the chair in the corner of her room. She was sick of being stuck in medical, apparently she wasn’t cleared to go back to her own room yet though.

“Thanks.” Kara said awkwardly, perching on the counter instead. Chairs were for straight people. 

“So, what brings you to my humble hospital room?” Bobbi asked dryly. 

“Daisy, actually.” Kara admitted. 

“Yeah?” Bobbi raised an eyebrow, “What about her?” 

“Less _ about _ her, more her confronting me because I’ve been an idiot.” Bobbi nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds like Daisy.” She muttered. Kara smiled slightly, swinging her legs as her hands fidgeted in her lap.

“I’m sorry.” She said, looking up at her. “Sorry about everything. You didn’t deserve that.” She said softly, frowning as Bobbi scoffed.

“Don’t make insincere apologies.” She closed her eyes as the words came out of her mouth, instantly regretting them. 

“What?” Kara had to clench her fist until her knuckles went white for risk of anger. 

“You say I didn’t deserve this, clearly you thought I did.” 

“Past tense. I was, I am, angry, hurt, but taking it out on you like that, that was wrong.” Kara said smoothly, not wanting to pick a fight.

“I’m sorry too. For deserving it.” Bobbi said delicately, hesitantly. 

“You’re not though. Or, you definitely weren’t.”

“Yeah, well, believe it or not, torture isn’t the best way to get an apology out of someone.” She scoffed. Kara nodded.

“Yeah, I kinda got that. He wanted to do worse, I couldn’t take it after that.” Kara mused. 

“Worse?” Bobbi frowned.

“Torture Hunter whilst you watched, then probably kill you both just for good measure.” She contemplated, “Although, I supposed he might have killed him and made you watch before brainwashing you.” 

“Glad you killed him?” Bobbi asked, trying to be casual, really intending to find out if she could trust Kara or not.

“Yeah.” There was an unfinished sentence, a pause, a hesitance, 

“But…?” Bobbi pushed.

“But I miss him. Or I think I do. I miss someone being easy. Even if he was a psychopathic nazi.” She said guiltily.

“You miss his control. Whitehall’s as well?” This was getting interesting.

“Whitehall made me an object, stripped my identity away, I was a pawn in his games.” Kara practically spat. 

“I’m sorry.  _ Truly  _ sorry for that, what he did was disgusting, what Ward did was disgusting and-” Bobbi took a pause, choosing her next words carefully, “I’m glad you’re here.” She said slowly. Kara smiled, or, her eyes did.

“I think I am too.”

**Author's Note:**

> All feedback is more than welcome, please tell me what you think :D


End file.
